I have always been kind of a "Back Seat Driver"...Quite literally actually! There is a story my family likes to tell people, in which I am 3 years old, sitting in the backseat, probably not even able to see out the window, and my dad was driving. He HONKS his horn, and without a hitch I yell from my seat "Watch it, LADY!"... It happened to be my uncle driving the other vehicle and my dad was just saying "HI!" with a friendly honk!
Well that attribute never seemed to leave me. Now that I live in the lovely "melting pot"..or oven as I lovingly call Phoenix, where driver's licenses are valid for LITERALLY 50 years, and old people flock to The Valley because their paper thin skin is sensitive to anything colder than 85 degrees, I find myself being "That Driver".
Impatient. Driving is something I LOVE, love, love to do. I'm an excellent driver, and I feel like I am the most at peace with myself, and get my best thinking done while driving! The scenery here is amazing...an entirely different planet than where I grew up! Mountains, palm trees, bronzes, golds and reds, as opposed to hills, green grass, and real trees!
Something about stupid, slow, or old drivers JUST reallllly gets to me! I am that psycho bitch that will let you crawl up my ass on the road and slam on my breaks (usually I'm doing at least 5 over so if you're in THAT big of a hurry and can't go around me, tough shit, bitch!) I'm pretty sure nobody here knows how to use their turn signals, or if they do, they turn on the wrong one, and leave it on for 20 miles...or if they use it properly, they do it 1/2 a cunt hair before they turn so you have to SLAM on your brakes to avoid hitting their precious, precocious Prius, and smashing it into smitherines.Throw in the Light Rail, suicide lanes, and HOV lanes and it's a recipe for disaster!
1.) Middle aged Asian female with at least 4 kids unbuckled in the back seat, driving with her blinker on in the fast line, going about 10 under the speed limit! WTF??!!
2.) Roughly 60 something year old white male (Scottsdale type) and lady in the passenger seat with HUGE oversized glasses on, in their '04 Jaguar, throwing her hands up in disbelief at a red light, while he revs his engine in masculinity...The light turns green and he doesn't even notice and proceeds to sit there while I drive off! HAHA...douche.
3.) Some fucknut in a beat up ass Nissan truck crawling up my ass because I'm not going 15 over the speed limit, so he tries to swerve all crazy around me, in order to speed up and pass me, only unbeknownst to him he pulled right behind a stopping city bus, and had to slam on his brakes, then sit there and wait until traffic on the other side let him over hahahahahah!!
It only takes me about 10 minutes to drive home from work, and this is the shit I see..!!!
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